What my anxiety looks like

Anxiety is when your feelings think for you.
Its shaking looking at your phone petrified of responding.
Its rambling on and on and on until no one understands what you're trying to say anymore.
Its loving everyone so much but being so scared of hurting all of them.
Its hiding in a corner at work to catch your breath to keep yourself from breaking.
Its crying in the bathroom silently into your jacket so no one hears you.
Its looking in the mirror after, wiping the tears, and practicing your best "i'm happy" look.
Its not wanting to go to bed because you dont want to wake up.
Its being afraid to ask for the promotion, or raise.
Its physically shaking while speaking clearly to your coworkers.
Its mentally breaking while working a 12 hour shift.
Its rocking yourself on the bathroom floor for hours until you stop crying.
Its fighitng with yourself.
Its fighting how you feel.
Its fighting how you think.
Its knowing you are over reacting but not being able to stop yourself.
Its exploding on a friend because everything else is weighing on you so heavily.
Its pushing away your friends because you love them.
Its missing a party because you know if you cant look yourself in the mirror you cant face others.
Its barely getting through each day.
Its weeks passing by without talking to your parents and making them worry.
Its not about just being scared.
Its about being completely and utterly terrified of each and every day.
Its checking your bank account 4 different times before spending over $100.
Its creating a conversation in your head before it happens.
Its being upset when that conversation doesn't go how you planned.
Its internally screaming at yourself to stop.
Its trying to calm yourself down while hyperventilating in the shower.
Its loving someone so much but choosing they'd be better off without you.
its everything.
Its everywhere.
Its in your mind, in-front of your eyes, and in each and every dream.
Its having your stomach drop when plans change.
Its not knowing how to handle change because you didn't prepare yourself for it hours in advance.
Its thinking you're crazy but knowing you're not.
Its wanting to cave under the pressure but exploding instead.
Its anger and crying at yourself.
Its hating how you're acting but not being able to stop yourself.
Its fear.
Its every little fear you could imagine every single day 24 hours a day.
Its constantly expecting the world to end because of any little thing.
Its blaming yourself when things don't go as planned.
Its being afraid of loss when you haven't lost anything.
Its taking something someone said wrong and thinking about it for days.
Its eating yourself alive from the inside out but looking like you have it all together to everyone else.